It's been a while...

I know it has been a while since I have blogged...and I think it's just because I have been hesitant to share my news...and it seems as though my TTC blog will now be changed to a pregnancy blog...

That's right....

I'M PREGNANT!!!

It is still very very early!!! (I'm only around 5 or 6 weeks...) but it feels good to be pregnant none the less. I can't believe after 14 months, it finally worked. I have to say, that I'm 100% sure it was the metformin. It helped my hormone levels...it made my lining thicken properly...it definately helped egg meet sperm, and egg implant.

I have to take the metformin for at least the first trimester...but I am a little nervous to go off of it after that...but I will see what the OB says.

Anyway, now you know my news...anyone know how to change the title of my blog??

Thanks so much for sticking it out with me girls...I hope that you choose to follow still when it is a pregnancy blog...I know it can be difficult some times. :)

June 1st

I realize that this is a TTC blog...but I do require a moment to belly ache about the weather. We are having March/April temperatures in June???!!! Today is June 1st, and our expected high is + 18 degrees celcius. (for my American followers that is about 68 degrees F.) HUH!!! Are you kidding me??? We have had I think two days over +20 (that's about 74 degrees F) NOT warm enough for summer temperatures. And rain...rain like you wouldn't believe. I'm beginning to think we should make sure our fishing boat is ready to go, just in case it is required to get to work one of these days. The mesquito's here are going to be NUTS!! No kidding.

My belly ache about this is we continually see in the news global warming, global warming is getting worse...the world is getting hotter...blah blah blah...my question...ok...if we are getting warmer, then where the heck is the warm weather!!!??? It's hiding apparently, and I am begining to doubt that global warming even exisists.

On the TTC front...I'm expecting AF any day now. Even though my temp went up this morning, I'm counting it as a fluke, and will be prepared tomorrow with grannie panties, and supplies. :)

When they just don't know...:(

It was my friends birthday today. 25th...(I have such young friends) lol She is PG, so didn't want to do anything huge. We went to Red Lobster for supper (by the way...SSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOO yummy) and then went to Tavern United. I didn't drink anything, and we were have a converstaion about getting pregnant. We were all talking about ways to get pregnant...one other friend of ours was there and my friend and I were both talking to her about stuff to do and stuff..and I know she didn't mean it mean or nasty, but it stung. Like a thousand little daggers digging deep into my heart...I even teared up a bit...but suppressed the quickly (I'm such a suck) She said...well you haven't been able to get pregnant yet, I think I'll listen to the one that has gotten pregnant twice. :( She is not a mean person. I knew she didn't mean it that way, but man...did it hurt. I just wanted to scream at her...IT'S NOT MY FAULT!! But I didn't. Having fertility problems is not something you want to yell from the rooftops. It's so hard when they don't know. It definately makes me think twice before saying things like that to people...because I know just how tough it can be. :(

But what do you say to these people...how do you deal with them...how do you stop it from making you feel like you are such a failure at something that is supposedly supposed to be so easy??? It makes me want this to be it even more...but I'm just not feeling it...except for the high temps...I have nothing to go on. Unless hot flashes are suddenly a prego symptom!! LOL

Metformin is working!!

Well I definately think the metformin is working. I have never had such high post O temps...YIPPEE...I hope that that will be followed by a nice long period..(I need to have a longer one to really know that the met is working, and I'm getting a proper lining) (I guess maybe I should be careful what I wish for) And then next cycle I can start Fermara...definately on the right track to getting a BFP. I am probably going to test on Saturday, just to be sure...because we are taking a friend of mine's step brother (he has downs syndrome) but loves to dance, and turned 18 in February. I will probably want to have one drink, so I will want to make sure that I am not PG. (even though, I'm 99.9% sure I'm not...better safe than sorry)

Anyway...here's to hoping I get more high temps...:)

Frustrations

My blog is so boring...it seems like I have three of four good posts...and then complain, complain complain. I am so sorry girls. But I am yet again...FRUSTRATED.

I am trying to figure out how to get my fertility friend chart on my blog, but it doesn't seem to like me...so it hasn't been working. None the less...It's CD 27, and still no O in sight. I am so frustrated that I have to suffer through another LONG cycle before I can finally kick my body into shape. Anyway, some of the JM girls suggested that I go back to my dr. and ask for a Presciption for Provera...which would be awesome...but we are kinda strapped for cash right now. My pills were very expensive already, and we just bought a new shed.

We wouldn't be so strapped but about a month ago we loaned his cousin some money. She had a Still born birth (actually there is a little more to it than that, but a little too graphic for a blog) Unfortunately here, with a still born, because there is technically no heart beat, here in Canada they say, there was no baby. :( She couldn't go back to work, because they had to do an emergency C section, and was cut both ways. (vertically on the outside, horizontally on her uterus) She isn't even sure if she can still have kids. :( Needless to say, she got no compensation, and he only works in the summer time guiding up north for fishing. :( They were super strapped, and so we loaned them money. They will be paying us back in a couple of weeks, but in the mean time...we have to deal with what we have. :(

Unfortunately Provera is just not in the cards right now, so I just have to wait it out. And that's frustrating for me. :( Another 60 day cycle...sigh...

Anyway, sorry about the rant...AGAIN...I'm sure things will get better once I ovulate like a normal person, and I start the Fermara. At this point, I'm worried there is something wrong with one of my ovaries, and that's why I only Ovulate every second time. :(

I cheated...

I had a peice of chocolate today...I was feeling down...I needed a pick me up...it was just one hersey kiss...I was feeling like I gave up all these things, and have gotten nothing in return...I know, it's only been two weeks, give it some time...but I cheated...there you know. :)

I am a horrible person...

I love my JM girls...and I am so happy for all of them that have gotten their BFP, but I tried today, I really did to go on the graduates board...and look at some pictures, and try to feel happy for people, but I just can't...I broke down in tears. :( I really wish this stupid Metformin would stop messing with my hormones (but I guess that's what it's supposed to do right??) I am so happy for them, cause I know lots of them were trying a really long time, like me...but I'm so sad for me...(what a pathetic pity party...:( ) I should be able to look at pictures of other peoples babies, and be happy for them. I should be able to hang out with one of my very good friends, and not feel sad when I get home. She's pregnant with my nephew...and man, am I gonna love that little boy with ALL my heart...but I still feel sad. UGH...

Ok, I have to stop now...cause this is just making it worse...I'm sorry. :(

I'm sure most of this is in response to FF taking away my CH today...:( It just makes me feel like this cycle is NEVER going to end...