CD 40...

I don't remember the last time I had a CD40...this is craziness...

There was no good news from the Dr. unfortunately. He said that he didn't feel comfortable prescribing the Clomid...and so I will have to wait for the fertility clinic. I was devestated on Saturday, I cried all the way home...which btw...is really hard to do while you are driving. I came home to DH and he asked me what he said...and I told him, and he shook his head. I wish it wasn't so hard here to find a Dr. cause then I would be asking for a second opinion. I have tried to look at it from the bright side. From looking at my chart...I HAD to have O'd last month...I see no other way around it really...just later in my cycle than I had always expected. If I can convince my body to O again, then I may even be able to do it before I get into the fertility clinic. From now until AF comes, I am going to be searching the internet on ways to help me O...if anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to help.

Some of my JM girls say I'm so brave, I'm so strong...I'm really not...I'm really a big baby...but I'm trying. And if I get down and out, cause that's where I will be if I let myself get there, then what good will I be at that point anyway?

I have been thinking more about quitting caffeine....I have heard that it really effects your fertility. I'm gonna do more looking into it though...but I am going to do whatever I can...even lose weight...which I know that I should be doing as well. I am starting to walk to work tomorrow...and gonna do every day this week, except Friday...that gives me 40 minutes of exercise for 3 days...that's gotta start something going. And some weight coming off...I'm going to buy a scale...I don't have one, so that I can try to track it better. I'm also going to have to give up my favorite thing chocolate...maybe not totally, but it has a lot of caffeine in it...I have to do my best to try and get this going on my own since no one else seems to be willing to help me right now. :(

A HUGE Mistake. :(

I'm just feeling so down lately. Not Oing is not a good feeling...:(

So...because I have been feeling down...and I'm really trying to put on a brave face, but I needed to talk to someone...I needed to have a real hug from someone and have someone tell me, it's gonna be ok...as much as I love my JM girls...a virtual hug is just not gonna cut it this time. :( So last night, I tried to talk to a couple of my RL friends, but they just passed over it...I dropped hints...I did everything but say...hey look, I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but this is really bugging me and I really just need to talk about it. :( So now I feel even MORE down than ever. Don't get me wrong...My husband is very understanding, and he gives me a hug and tells me it's gonna be ok all the time, but it's just different when it's a girl friend. Like she would understand it better...you know? I just hope my appointment goes fine on Saturday, and I really hope he gives me something to ovulate...although, I still have to convince AF to show up. :(

We are having supper with my parents tomorrow, but then I plan on just relaxing after that...curling up with a good book maybe. :)

It's been a while...

March 24, 2009

I know it has been a while since I have updated my blog. Mostly because there hasn't really been anything that has been going on...but I do feel like I need to get some things off my mind now...and just need to get them down. It is my second month temping. I am at CD34...no days past ovulation...some how...it skipped me this cycle...and I'm left waiting to either finally O, or for AF to show. While sitting and waiting to O, I came to a few realizations.

#1 - by not getting PG this cycle...I am not going to be TTC for over a year. :( I knew it would be hard...I knew it wasn't going to happen overnight, but I did think it would happen with in the year.

#2 - I will not be a mom in 2009. Getting PG this cycle...meant my due date would be in December...from here on out, it's 2010, and from sitting where I'm sitting, 2010 seems SO far away. :(

I am also waiting still to get into the fertility clinic. I called them yesterday, and they told me that they have gotten my referral, and are just waiting for the schedules for July to December, to see when I will have my appointment....WHAT...ARE YOU KIDDING ME...JULY TO DECEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I made a decision, and am going to try to get Clomid from my GP on Saturday. I need something, or I'm gonna go insane. :(

I love the girls at my message board...they are all so amazing...they are so encouraging, and so understanding...but for the last few weeks, I have been beginning to feel like I am going to be the only one in that TTC board. :( There has been tons of BFP, and I am so excited for each and every one of them....some of them haven't been trying long, some have been trying a little bit longer...but each and every one of them are going to be great mothers...but I am feeling so alone...I just needed to get my fears out here...I don't want to make the girls there feel bad, because I love them, and I love how encouraging they are...but they are all getting to leave me. :( I know selfish...I just hope that I can join them soon.

Hopefully it won't be so long before I am back to update again. :)