I know it has been a while since I have updated my blog. Mostly because there hasn't really been anything that has been going on...but I do feel like I need to get some things off my mind now...and just need to get them down. It is my second month temping. I am at CD34...no days past ovulation...some how...it skipped me this cycle...and I'm left waiting to either finally O, or for AF to show. While sitting and waiting to O, I came to a few realizations.
#1 - by not getting PG this cycle...I am not going to be TTC for over a year. :( I knew it would be hard...I knew it wasn't going to happen overnight, but I did think it would happen with in the year.
#2 - I will not be a mom in 2009. Getting PG this cycle...meant my due date would be in December...from here on out, it's 2010, and from sitting where I'm sitting, 2010 seems SO far away. :(
I am also waiting still to get into the fertility clinic. I called them yesterday, and they told me that they have gotten my referral, and are just waiting for the schedules for July to December, to see when I will have my appointment....WHAT...ARE YOU KIDDING ME...JULY TO DECEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I made a decision, and am going to try to get Clomid from my GP on Saturday. I need something, or I'm gonna go insane. :(
I love the girls at my message board...they are all so amazing...they are so encouraging, and so understanding...but for the last few weeks, I have been beginning to feel like I am going to be the only one in that TTC board. :( There has been tons of BFP, and I am so excited for each and every one of them....some of them haven't been trying long, some have been trying a little bit longer...but each and every one of them are going to be great mothers...but I am feeling so alone...I just needed to get my fears out here...I don't want to make the girls there feel bad, because I love them, and I love how encouraging they are...but they are all getting to leave me. :( I know selfish...I just hope that I can join them soon.
Hopefully it won't be so long before I am back to update again. :)
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