CD 50.....AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

I just want to scream.

I want to sit here at my computer and just scream at the top of my lungs until I O or AF comes...and then I want to cry.

I am tired of being positive...I am tired of being patient, I am tired of my stupid Dr. that won't do a blessed thing for me...and I am tired of waiting for the stupid fertility clinic to get back to me...(going on two months now since the referal) I'm just tired.

I've been lurking on JM, but not commenting...not posting...it's just too depressing...everyone is moving forward, and I'm stuck. I'm stuck in limbo, not knowing when (or if) I'm going to O, or when AF is going to decide that she wants to finally show up. Don't take it the wrong way, I am still checking in on my girls...and am definately hoping for the best for them, but when the roll call comes, and the only thing that has changed for me is that I am now at CD 50 instead of CD 30, it's depressing.

I checked my cervix today, and it was hard. I'm hoping that that means that AF will be here soon...I was so sure I was going to O yesterday. I was sure I was having O pains...I have never been so sure of anything in my life...but then this morning, my temp was lower, not higher, and now my cervix is hard. Why the heck won't my ovaries let my little eggies go? These pains were on my right side, and close to when I was supposed to O at my normal time, I thought I was having O pains on my left side. Maybe I don't even know what O pains feel like. That's my rant for today...I wish I had more positive things to say...

I have walked to work 3 of the 4 days of work this week though...:) That's something positive. I just hope I stop getting shin splints soon.